On Creating Space and Bread & Wine

I am a bit behind on my blog writing because, well, LIFE. Life is busy. Good, but busy. Recently, I have had several pieces to write for clients, so when I am on my computer, I tend to be writing something I’m getting paid for. Which makes it hard to write when I am “off the clock” so to speak.

My brain turns to mush and I can no longer formulate sentences. And my eyes hurt from staring at a screen. So, I took a pause on the blog. But, more importantly, I took a pause on social media.

My battle with social media has been an ongoing struggle. I cannot NOT look at it. Even when I know it is not adding to my life. Even when I know the things I am seeing are unhealthy. Even when I know there are way more productive things to do with my time. I scroll and scroll and scroll.

But, life got busy with school starting back, more deadlines, kids getting sick, etc. And, I somehow just stopped with the scrolling. I did not make myself. I did not force myself. I just stopped having the time.

Sure, I still check it periodically throughout the day. But, whereas before I knew everything that was happening in my friends lives at any given moment (based solely on statuses or posts) or what was happening the world via articles and news stations' social media feeds, I no longer was up to speed.

And, I like it. I mean, I was horrified last night when I learned something major had happened in a friend’s life and I thought I missed the memo due to Facebook. I didn’t. It just wasn’t shared.

But, it has been nice to be away from “it all.” “It all” being the constant never-ending spew of information. I think my mind needed a little break. And, I am learning that I just do not have that much space in my brain (or my life) to keep up with all. the. things.

It is not my job to keep up with all the things and I think I forgot that for a while. Sometimes it felt like I had to know everything that was happening with everyone in the entire world. No wonder I was always so tired.

I am currently re-reading Bread and Wine by Shauna Niequist with a group of dear friends and this passage hit home with me. I thought I’d share it in case someone else needs to hear it.

“I felt like I was stuffing myself with food, wine, people, books, experiences, things to do. I was unbelievably productive, like a crazy Energizer Bunny, but even when I was tired, I was still consuming – wine, shows, magazines, books. I was all feasting and no fasting – all noise, connection, go; without rest, space, silence.”

I, too, am great with the feasting and not so great with the fasting. So, I am making space for rest and silence. For me, that may look like taking time each day to turn off all the noise and look my children in their eyes and tell them I love them. It may mean just holding my husband a little longer in the morning before we begin our days. It may mean pausing for a week on the blog. It may mean more times of quiet prayer.

I don’t know what it will look like, but I am giving myself the space to figure it out.